


Though I Am, But a Broken Man

by TC_Stark



Category: Sweet Virginia (2017)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartache, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, mentions of sexual trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-01-18 07:39:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12383817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TC_Stark/pseuds/TC_Stark
Summary: Sam Rossi is filled with uncertainty. The woman who he has been seeing recently lost her husband and her lack of mourning concerns him. Sam is also concerned as to why he gets the sinking feeling that the only thing special about him and Bernadette's relationship was that it was forbidden. A newcomer sets up shop at his motel and now he must ask himself; can he bring himself to take a chance with someone else?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sam Rossi has taken over my life. I haven't seen the film Sweet Virginia. Everything here is based on the trailer and reviews I've read. I probably got a lot wrong and those who have seen the film, feel free to correct me. I just have been thinking about Sam this whole time and needed to put something out. Enjoy!

Sam had hated when Bernadette’s phone rang. The gentle vibrations against the nightstand reminded him that they weren’t truly alone. There was a man out there wondering where his wife was and there had been so many times when the man wondered if the other ever fathomed she was in the bed of broken down, ex-rodeo rider.

 

Now that Bernadette’s husband was dead, Sam waited for a vibration that would never happen. Enough time had gone by after his lover’s husband was mysteriously slain that the two could have announced their relationship. They wouldn’t have to hide it anymore, but the thought of that somehow didn’t bring any joy. There was no excitement to the prospect of holding her hand out in the streets or being able to call her his “girlfriend”. It seemed like those were things he didn’t want.

 

“Honey?”

 

Being pulled from his thoughts, Sam smiled ruefully, “Hey, baby, how long was I drifting for?”

 

“Only a few seconds,” Bernadette smiled, crossing her bare legs and yearning for him, “Come to bed.”

 

“I’m tired.”

 

Bernadette frowned gently, scooting over so the large man could ease his hurt body into the bed. Running her fingers through his thick hair, she gently suggested, “You know, Sam, there’s no shame in seeking therapy. You might feel better if you opened up to someone; someone outside of your bubble. You wouldn’t have to worry about them saying anything.”

 

Sam hated that kind of talk. As a man with so much weighing on his shoulders, he wished people would stop trying to break him out of his shell. For so much of his life he had been the center of the attention. With his brother’s passing and his accidents piling up, Alaska was the place for him to escape to. It was something he was content with.

 

Settling back into the bedpost, Sam raised his arm so Bernadette could snuggle in and preen at her hair being petted. Sighing, the Virginian native countered, “What about you? Why don’t you go speak to someone? Your husband died...you don’t seem to wanna talk about it much.”

 

“My emotions for that man died a long time ago, Sam, you know that,” She whispered, while turning her head to kiss his chest, “Let’s not talk about it.”

 

“Yea...that’s a good idea.”

* * *

 

“You’re gonna be late for school.”

 

“I’m not gonna be late for school.”

 

With a hearty laugh, Sam dipped his head down and chuckled, before flicking his gaze up, “Maggie, get to school.”

 

Smiling, the young teen gathered up her books and assured, “I’ll be here as soon as school ends.”

 

Counting the money, the older man stated, “Get something to eat first, then come over.”

 

“You need a break, Sam.”

 

“Yea, yea, get on now.” Sam smiled proudly, waving his young employee out. 

 

Setting a cup of coffee out in front of himself, Sam sat on the stool behind the front desk as the door opened once again. It was early for a guest to check in, but he didn’t have any specific times that people could or couldn’t get a room. Not surprisingly, he’d get quite a few couples wanting to get their thrills in before starting the day.

 

The woman who walked in was not his usual customer. If Sam had to guess, he’d say the girl was in her mid, to late twenties. She was of average height, with a nice feminine figure, olive skin, hazel eyes, and long, curly red hair. Pulling in a suitcase, she wore a fitting green turtleneck and dark jeans, along with brown boots. 

 

Going to get up, Sam asked, “You need help, ma’am?”

 

Giving a refreshing smile, the woman shook her head, “I’m fine, thank you. I would like to rent a room...I’m not sure for how long.”

 

“You visiting?”

 

“No, I just moved up here,” She smiled, “I don’t have a place yet.”

 

Bemused, Sam asked, “Little adventurous to move somewhere without a home?”

 

“Agreed, but I was offered a transfer from New Jersey to here and I wanted to jump on the opportunity within my company. I have the job and the car...I just need a place now,” She sheepishly laughed, shrugging, “For now, do you do allow weekly rates?”

 

Nodding, Sam tapped the spacebar of the desktop computer to wake it up before stating, “Yea, we can do that. I’ll give you a little bit of a discount too,” As the woman thanked him, he asked, “Can I get your driver’s license? And what kinda car you got so I know what’s in the parking lot.”

 

As the redheaded woman dug into her purse to fish for her license, she explained, “It’s the 2006 white Honda Civic out there. The one with the dent on the right hand side,” She laughed, “It was all the man had in the lot in my price range.”

 

“You don’t gotta defend keeping within a budget,” Sam chuckled, as he took the license from her hand and saw the girl was twenty-six years old, “Roxanne Downey from New Jersey. You’re far from home.”

 

While Roxanne smiled to hold back  _ that’s the point,  _ she instead coyly pointed out, “I’m assuming you are as well. Your accent and name of the motel would suggest you’re from Virginia?”

 

Laughing, Sam nodded, “Yea, I guess it’s kinda obvious. Roxanne, I’m gonna start you off for this week, just need a credit card on file. Anything I should know about?”

 

As the woman handed him a credit card, she explained, “I like to take morning jogs, so don’t be alarmed when you see me running in a circle. Do you live on the premise?”

 

“I do; sometimes I play cards and dominos with some of the older guys who stay here when their wives kick ‘em out,” The two laughed as the Virginian finished up all the paperwork and got the keys from the box, “Alright, room 106. Let me help you there.”

 

“I only have this bag, Mister?”

 

“Rossi, Sam Rossi,” The two shook hands and Sam decided not to pry as to why a woman traveling so far away from home had only one bag, “I still like to help out. Call it OCD or something.”

 

Roxanne smiled and thanked the man, as he clutched the handle of her bag and started wheeling it out. Her hazel eyes noticed the limp the man walked with. Other than that feature, he seemed to be in good health. The curious nature of hers plucked at her brain and yearned to know what had befallen onto Sam Rossi that made an otherwise healthy looking man look...broken.

 

As they walked over to the room, Roxanne’s gaze shifted sideways to notice another man outside smoking near a truck. Besides him, the place seemed otherwise relatively vacant. Not that it would be her permanent home, but it was good to take note of one’s surroundings. It was something she had come to do often.

 

Finally coming up to the door, Sam stopped to hand Roxanne the keys, “Alright, every room has the front phone number taped to it. If no one rings, it’ll get pushed over to my cell. I got a receptionist Maggie who works here when she ain’t in school or school related activities. You need anything, you call. Place isn’t fancy, but it’s clean. There’s a laundromat just down the road.”

 

“Thank you very much, Sam, have a good rest of the day.” Roxanne smiled, while opening up the motel room.

 

Just as Sam said, the place was nothing fancy. That being said, there was a comfy enough bed with clean sheets, a decently sized bathroom, and a television. When Roxanne pushed the curtains open, she had a nice view of some of the scenery around the place. It was quiet and peaceful; two things she desperately needed.

* * *

 

“Did you give anymore thought to what we talked about?”

 

Sam wished he and Bernadette could simply lay in the post-coital bliss that had brought him comfort so many times prior, but as his head rested in the woman’s lap, he felt his body cramp up again. No longer relaxed, the Virginian sighed and tried to close his eyes and hope their night could get back on track.

 

Playing with his hair, she asked, “Well?”

 

“I don’t know if my insurance will even cover something like therapy.”

 

Sighing, she spoke, “There’s a place just outside of town that has free consultations regardless of insurance.”

 

Sam looked up at her, “How do you know?”

 

With a rueful smile, she cooed gently, “I did lose my husband, remember…? I could make you an appointment - just go talk with someone there. One time. Make your own assessment and you can tell me I’m wrong.”

 

Mindlessly playing with her knee, Sam let out a gentle groan, “I don’t wanna tell you that you’re wrong...fine...fine…” He sighed, not wanting to push back, and instead took her hand to gently kiss her wrist, “Make the appointment.”


	2. Chapter Two

Was it too late to turn around? Sam pondered that thought so much it had become a mantra the whole drive to the office. A private practice; there were about five therapists there and according to Bernadette, he’d be seeing whoever was available at the time of the appointment since it was only a consultation. Seemed a bit unorthodox, but considering he already was conjuring up a million excuses as to why he wouldn’t want to go back, he hoped the first five minutes alone were horrible.

 

The receptionist was nice enough. Reminded him a little of Maggie. It took everything in Sam to not ask the girl if she was in school. There were times he knew that maybe it seemed strange to others that he was so invested in a girl who wasn’t his own. But, she was a good kid and he just wanted to see her succeed - that was it.

 

With a deep sigh, Sam sat down after filling out the proper paperwork. Funny how they still hadn’t told him who his therapist would be.  _ You don’t have a therapist. This is just a consultation to get Bernadette to stop worrying.  _ It was important to remind himself of that; to keep it all in.

 

“Mr. Rossi?”

 

Too deep within his own head, Sam barely heard his name called. A scene of flashing lights crossed his vision and a glimpse of his past burst from his mind. The calling of his name, the cheering from the crowd, and the snarling of the bull. His leg hurt even more now and he suspected he was feeling panicked enough for it to be visible.

 

“Sam?”

 

Finally snapping out of his daze, the ex-rodeo star looked up and furrowed his brows inwards, “Roxanne?”

 

A cool smile tugged at her pretty lips and Roxanne corrected, “If you’d like, you can call me Roxie.”

 

Still confused, Sam asked, “What you doing here?”

 

“I’m meeting with you today,” Roxanne held up a clipboard and explained, “This is where I work. I’ll be your case manager if you choose to stay with us; I’m in the process of getting my doctorate, but since I interned for the company since getting my Bachelor’s and throughout my Master’s, they let me transfer up here. Is that too much information?”

 

“I guess it’s alright; let’s me know you’re equipped for the job. Think we could...go somewhere private to talk?”

 

Sensing that being in the waiting room was making him uncomfortable, Roxanne nodded, “Of course. Follow me.”

 

Roxanne was young. Only twenty-six years old, but already having her Master’s and onto her doctorate. She must have not taken a break and maybe even taken summer courses to speed everything up. It had to have kept the girl busy and Same wondered what a young woman like her was doing wanting to spend all her time with her nose in the books. He was off riding bulls at that age; getting stardom. Guess he should have spent more time in school.

 

Once they were in a room, Roxanne poured Sam a glass of water and invited him to sit down, “I’m told a woman made this appointment for you. If you don’t want to continue these sessions, Sam, I understand. No one can force you to be here. I know I’m not the most experienced, but I would like to know the reason why you think you shouldn’t be here.”

 

Sam shook his head and looked away, “I just...don’t wanna really talk about anything. What’s it gonna change?”

 

“Your outlook?” The redhead lightly challenged, crossing her legs, “Can I just ask, Sam, and you don’t have to answer, but who is the woman? You became visibly uncomfortable when I mentioned her?”

 

Swallowing thickly, the older man shifted in the chair, and asked, “You can’t...tell anyone what I say in this room right?”

 

“Not unless you killed someone.”

 

“That’s a poor joke,” Sam lightly chided, but ultimately smiled, and shook his head, “No, I shouldn’t be laughing at that...the woman...her name is Bernadette. She’s...she’s a woman I was...still am having an affair with. Her husband was one of those men murdered not too long ago.”

 

Eyebrows raised, the New Jersey native responded, “I haven’t heard of anything like that.”

 

“Yea...three men killed in a diner not too far from here. Bernadette’s husband was one of the guys. Her and I been...sleeping together for some time. I..I didn’t do it if that’s what you wanna know.”

 

Roxanne shook her head, “No...I don’t believe you did. But...something is wrong, right, Sam? Is she wanting to take the relationship and you don’t want to? Are you feeling guilt?”

 

“She didn’t shed a damn tear for him…”

 

“And you feel guilty?” She repeated.

 

Feeling a tightening in his throat, Sam tried to politely decline answering, “I don’t really wanna talk about it...I mean, Roxanne, we barely know each other. I ain’t...I ain’t told anyone about me and Bertie. I don’t know why I told you just now...but, I just don’t really feel like talk about anything. I just...want to be whole again.”

 

Roxanne frowned; figuring out the source of what was clearly depression. It was obvious his limp was caused by some accident from his past. A deep rooted trauma that was easier to be buried than to be talked about. This affair with Bernadette was a reason too, but a small one. It seemed to her the only stressor from it was simply the question as to whether or not he wanted to make their relationship known. From the little information she was given, she surmised that going public would stop the allure of sneaking around. Or simply that he liked keeping things to himself - afraid what would happen if he let the world know anything about him.

 

“You’re right, we started off too fast,” Roxanne nodded while folding her legs up on the chair and smiling, “I had a great night sleep. Your motel is very nice. Did you know you were on Yelp?”

 

That gave him a small smile, “Did you give me a good review?”

 

“I will when I get back. Promise.”

 

“Alright...alright. Thank you. You know there’s a good diner just up the road from it?”

 

“I did not. Perhaps we can go one morning?”

 

Sam raised an eyebrow, “You go out for breakfast with all your patients?”

 

Roxanne smirked and almost teased, “If I had any patients, I would.”

 

The comment made Sam chuckle and him scratching his beard as he looked around the room. There were no personal artifacts. No pictures of loved ones. He surmised that this was just because she was so new to the place. And with how small her bag was, he thought she didn’t have any room for nostalgic items.

 

“Sam, I’ll let you leave early if you answer me one question.”

 

Letting out a low whistle, his chest rumbled slightly with a hearty chuckle, “Yes, ma’am.”

 

Smirking proudly, Roxanne asked simply, “Why did you leave Virginia?”

 

That question made Sam frown. It was a loaded question and he had to look down at the floor for a moment. Surprisingly, he found himself opening up quite a bit in this session. More than he had expected to. He didn’t know if it was Roxanne herself or the environment, but the man could feel the answer rising up his throat before he even had time to think.

 

“My brother died...left this place. I decided to come after I quit the rodeo,” Seeing the confusion on her face, Same further explained, “You can look me up...Youtube and shit. I was a bull rider. Built up a fanbase, but...I stopped after one too many accidents,” Rubbing his leg mindlessly, he added, “Got all these medical issues as a souvenir. Guess you were wondering why I was broken?”

 

Frowning, Roxanne leaned forward, “You’re not broken, Sam Rossi.”

 

“Tell that to my nightly tremors...my day time tremors. My pain. My bad back.” Sam laughed almost sadly and him slowly standing with a low groan due to being stiff.

 

“I’m sorry, Sam, but if you want to talk...well, you know what room I’m in. Patient confidentiality will still be in place.”

 

Sam nodded and reached out to shake her hand, not wanting her to think it was anything personal. Maybe he was so lonely, but there was such a strong tug inside him to sit down and stay. To continue to talk to this woman who was open and nice, but he knew he couldn’t reveal too much. It was important to remain aloof and guarded, no matter how much he wanted to talk. It was better this way.

 

“Hey, this Saturday, gonna play cards outside, you should join if you don’t have any plans.” He offered, trying to show there were no hard feelings.

 

Roxanne smiled, “Sounds fun.”

* * *

 

Sweet Virginia was not a smoke-free zone, but Sam did wish people would stop leaving their cigarette butts everywhere. A while back, he had even installed some ashtrays around the motel, but there were still the remnants of half smoked tobacco sticks littering the floor. As run down as he felt, he did put in an effort to try to keep the inn nice. There were many people who were not familiar with Alaska who stopped through and he wanted to give them a good impression.

 

While limping around, picking up the butts; Sam noticed Roxanne emerging from her room early that morning. The sun had barely graced the sky, but the redhead was out in running garb and her long hair up in a messy bun. While he was sure she was too young for grays, he knew enough to know her red color was the result of dye. Bernadette had suggested a few times to him that he should cover the grays in his beard, but damn he just didn’t have the energy.

 

While zipping up her workout jacket, Roxanne smiled, “Good morning.”

 

“Morning, ma’am,” Sam greeted, ignoring the pain in his leg as he stood up straight, “Sorry about the mess; I had some kids who rented a few rooms last night. They’re gone, but...heh, not forgotten.”

 

Looking at the butts on the floor, Roxanne nodded, “I never really participated in smoking...you?” 

 

“A little when I was younger, but I got so many healthy problems now I don’t wanna add to them. Hey...no hard feelings, right?”

 

“Of course not,” Roxanne winked with a playful smirk, “When’s the party happening?”

 

Realizing she was referring to the card game, Sam chortled and shrugged, “They usually come around the afternoon time - you actually gonna participate?”

 

“I might...I’m going to go on a run now and probably pick up some groceries. It’s nice that there are kitchens in the rooms.”

 

“Yea, well, every once in awhile I get pipeliners that are on a job for months so I wanna make it livable for the long timers.”

 

The two parted ways after that, as Sam watched Roxanne put her headphones in and begin her morning routine. Working his hand into his thigh, the older man sighed and continued on his mission. The coroner had finally released the body of Bernadette’s husband and she was dealing with funeral arrangements. Not that they ever met during the day; only at night. It may have made him sound like a bad man, but it was the only time he felt safe. Old habits died hard when it came to their affair; even after the other man was gone.

* * *

 

Things were much different in the small town in Alaska than they were in New Jersey, where Roxanne was from. It was a strange transition and it hadn’t been her first choice when deciding where to move, but when she discussed the desire to leave the state with her boss, he joked that the office in America’s largest state was nice.

 

Something stuck with her and soon Roxanne was making plans to move. Everything happened so fast and she didn’t truly think out most of it when buying the plane ticket. Maybe it was laughable, but the only thing she had done so far was start her job and buy the cheapest car she could. She hadn’t changed her driver’s license, found a home to live in, or even tell anyone she had been leaving. It was all so sudden. 

 

Roxanne’s first week in Alaska had concluded and she found herself watching Sam play a game of cards with some older men in the parking lot of the motel, on foldable chairs and a table. With a beer in her hand, having been given to her by one of the men; the redhead found herself more so interested in observing the inn’s proprietor than the game itself. 

 

One of the reasons why she had become a therapist wasn’t just to better understand why some people did what they did, but because she was fascinated with people watching. It seemed simplistic, but not everything had to be complicated in life. After ignoring a phone call from her aunt, she realized how much she appreciated simplicity. And that she needed to change her number.

 

“You gonna get in on this, Red?” Sam playfully asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

 

Smirking, Roxanne raised her eyebrow, “Red?”

 

Sam smirked, “I was trying it on for size - didn’t work, huh?”

 

From what the woman could tell, Sam was very holed in on himself. The trauma of his past had made him that way, but Roxanne could see there were times the old him wanted to break out. Even for just a moment, simply to have a millisecond of joy. After all, he was formerly a bull rider. He was used to attention and probably women - two things it seemed he was trying desperately to keep away from. 

 

“Sam?”

 

The  _ festivities  _ were interrupted when a woman called Sam’s name, bringing all the attention to the source. A nervous frown twisted on the inn’s owner, as he stood up and made his way over to Bernadette. Ducking his head down, he spoke low enough, but Roxanne could still hear him ask, “What you doing here, Bertie?”

 

A cool smile pulled at her lips, as she explained, “He’s gone, Sam, we don’t have to just meet at night.”

 

The boldness of her statement clearly made Sam uncomfortable, who shifted as he looked over his shoulder and said, “I’ll be back, guys, just...go on without me.”

 

Roxanne sipped her beer with cautious curiosity. It was clear Sam wanted to hang his head and not make it obvious what he wasn’t open to the idea of being so free with his relationship with Bernadette. It was clear as well that she wanted to showcase her lover more that her husband was deceased. It was an interesting case.


End file.
